go fxck yourself

when i was ten years old, i thought i invented masturbation. i realized that by squeezing my legs together tightly i could work myself up to the most amazing sensation. at first i didn't really think there was anything intrinsically sexual about what i was doing. it was just a kind of physical pleasure i could cultivate within myself that seemed to radiate energy throughout my body.

prompted by a steamy sex scene in a movie we were watching, i asked my mom if she knew that you could have sex with yourself. she laughed, probably very confused, and i was immediately embarrassed and refused to elaborate. 

in high school, i was baffled that boys in my class could talk unabashedly about masturbation and porn without receiving the judgmental looks directed my way when i spoke openly about sex. it seemed like the social standard for girls to deny pleasuring themselves. historically, masturbation has been stigmatized for its supposed “negative physical and mental health consequences.” today, it is much more widely accepted as physically, mentally, and sexually healthy, but many women still feel insecure or inhibited when it comes to masturbating, or even talking about it. 

according to a report by planned parenthood, among the health benefits of masturbation are reduced stress, alleviation of premenstrual pain for many women, sleep induction, endorphin production, more efficient cell functioning, indirect disease prevention, and increased resistance to infection. despite the physical and mental health benefits, young women and girls are often still shamed for touching themselves.

as ann friedman puts it, “the notion that women enjoy sex has not yet achieved scientific or cultural acceptance.” porn is still being designed primarily for the male gaze, under the assumption that a woman's fantasies are secondary to male fantasies.

until i had my first serious boyfriend, i was pretty insecure about my sexuality. it took me a long time to feel beautiful in my own skin. in fact, i have to credit a lot of my self confidence to learning to love myself sexually before trying to please someone else. in addition to improving your confidence, it can help you discover what you like in bed. 

remember that the stigma of female masturbation isn’t going to stop until women feel completely comfortable in their sexuality and can openly talk about it. if you find an amazing porn site or a revolutionary new vibrator, share your discovery with your friends. talking about it is the only way we can break the misogynistic social fibers that control and repress the female body. i challenge you to throw away the shame that comes with female masturbation, and just do you. literally.

i originally wrote this article for the odyssey.